I Get Knocked Down, But I am Up Again!!

This seems to be my theme this week.... this past week I have gone through lots of ups and downs as DH & I coop with the news of my BFN. I was so sure it was going to be positive. But God has other plans. I keep thinking back to those first days, what did I do? Did I laugh too hard? Was I not enough of a couch potato? Was I too stressed? But bottom line is I need to leave the past in the past and pick up and move on.

I had my phone appt with Dr. K today. He is so fabulous. He was so apologetic and genuinely concerned with how I am doing and handling the news this past week. It is so nice to have a RE that cares about you from a physical sense and emotionally as well. I know I am on the right path with the right RE.

He did give me good news. He said we should try again. I am moving forward with my next transfer date of 5-13. Yes, Friday the 13th. But that is not where my faith lies. He said the fact that my last FET didn't work was a fluke. I had a text book cycle and transfer. The only thing he will change for next cycle is to add Heparin. This is fabulous considering we will be leaving for Hawaii the Friday after my first Beta (which I am praying to be BFP). This means a one piece for me. Don't want to scare everyone with my overly bruised stomach. But I will do whatever I can to improve my odds. If it fails again then I need to have another lovely HSG and possibly by tubes removed. Again, he was so concerned about how I would feel about loosing my tubes. Really at this point I could care less. Not like my eggs are any good anyway. Just ask my RE who did my outside monitoring...

The worst part about this not working is having to go back to my local RE. I HATE her and I don't hate anyone. She is so awful, I was full of anxiety when I went to see her with her snickering with her nurse about Dr. K wasting my money on 3 ultrasounds. Saying he is so stupid for not using Lupron. And then making fun of my "geriatric" and "pathetic" ovaries. Just for the record my friends and I blame her for my cycle not working. I know its not true, but it makes me smile. : ) I told Dr. K about how this was the worst part of this not working and he came up with a remedy for me. I was prepared to drive to San Francisco to get my monitoring done and he said I could go to my local OB/Gyn. Well that changes this considerably. He said the monitoring part isn't hard and anyone could just about do it. I feel better already.

After my phone call with my fabulous RE I spoke with my nurse. She will be forwarding me all my lab slips and forms I need to find a new person for outside monitoring. I am hoping this might save me a little money too.

Also on a positive note, I start my BCP's tomorrow as AF arrived late last night. I forget how awful AF is after a BFN. My whole body hurts. My heating pad is my new best friend. But a neccessary means to an end.

Thank you to everyone who prayed with us through this cycle. We really felt God's grace covering our hearts, minds and emotions this past week. One thing my RE did recommend was for me to read "The Secret", yeah, I think I will pass. I will keep my mind focused on things on above. : )