Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Back to Square One!!

DH & I have decided to pursue embryo adoption. We have prayed and prayed about this. We feel we are being lead down this path. Not to mention it is so much cheaper than traditional adoption. So we posted our ad on MW. Here we are waiting to find our perfect match. Now from past experience I can say I am a bit scared. Just because you feel like God is leading you down a path doesn't mean you will get the desired result. That was a tough pill to swallow. For now all we can do is trust!

I wish I would have started to blog back in the beginning of my IF journey. It would be a great record of how far we have come and an account of all the blessings along the way. I will never forget how God orchestrated J coming into our lives. What a miracle!!! Is it too much to hope for another? I have come to terms with the fact I will not bear my own genetic children. They wait for me in heaven. I would however, still love to experience pregnancy. My belly getting big, feeling the baby move and kick, and breastfeeding. You miss all of these experiences with traditional adoption.

J is now 19 months old. DH and I decided we were going to give ourselves a break and not have any baby talks until J was one. Here we are, back to baby talks. It was nice not to plot or plan how to get a baby. It made me realize I will survive this journey. Maybe even one day I will not be thinking of adoption, embryos, or hoping this month will be the month God decides to open my womb.